“Big Tit Zombie” Hits New Exciting Lows (with bonus French phrases)

“Big Tit Zombie” Hits New Exciting Lows (with bonus French phrases)

Takao Nakano’s 2010 “Big Tit Zombie” is an unusually stupid and tasteless film and as such zooms to the top of the CACA charts.

It stars Japanese porn queen Sora Aoi, aka Aoi Sora, aka Aoi Sola, and aka a few other names that are all remarkably similar.

She doesn’t have especially big tits, either, but le tout ensemble is quite attractive. Especially when wielding a chain saw.

The plot, such as it is, has five strippers working in an unsuccessful club that just happens to be connected by underground passage to a dank dungeon with Cabbage Patch dolls and a well. Oh, and there is a Book of the Dead.

Naturally one of the strippers reads from the Book of the Dead. It is de rigueur in these situations. Otherwise the movie would just be called “Big Tit,” or possibly “Big Tits,” and where would you be?

Zombies emerge from the well, and hilarity ensues.

What sets this one apart from, say, “Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead” are the sushi scenes (once with sushi, once with entrails).

And where “Zombie Ass” had unusual things erupting from the butt-type area, “Big Tit Zombie” has a fiery…

Uhh.

I can’t say it. The area from which the fire explodes is, uh…

Adjacent! That’s it. The fire comes from a region of a lady actor’s personal body that is adjacent to the butt-type area of the personal b.

The film is also very meta, which can mean anything. In this case it means that the subtitles rarely match the dubbed dialogue, which creates an ever-changing dialectic and existential tension that calls into question the very nature of cinema itself.

(Ha! Top that, dog-ass New York Times!)

It also means the director is shouting things at the actors, and you can see the wires on the tentacle things.

Four breasts (each set twice). Chain saw splitting of zombie, twice. Book of the Dead. Gibberish Latin that’s not even Latin. (It’s not even close.) Mt. Fuji as subject of subtextual jokes. Amusing zombies. And that fire thing.

Four coils, unreservedly, and a nomination for the next Iron Coil award.

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