“Evils of the Night” (1985):  Catwoman Goes to Gilligan’s Island to Meet Mad Scientist but Instead Gets Aldo Ray. Similar to an Our Time date, in other words. Gratuitous everything, with actual porn stars of the era. A very greasy movie that failed to resurrect the careers of Julie Newmar and Tina Louise. John Carradine was already deceased but everyone was too polite to mention it. Slightly better than two coils, not weird enough for three, and I can’t find the half coil photo. 

Violent City (1970): Italian production with Charles Bronson, Jill Ireland, Telly Savalas  and inconsistent dubbing. Chuck is a hit man irritated when someone tries to hit him. Revenge is on the agenda. Car chases. Foot chases. Brick wall that magically appears just in time for victim to crash into it. Long stretches with little or no dialogue, which is fine because it would only get in the way of the story. Some critics think this is an artistic flick. They could be right, it’s boring enough. Two coils.

Bride of the Gorilla (1951): Hey gang! Let’s rework “The Wolf Man” on a banana plantation! Lon Chaney’s too old to be the heavy but he can be the police commissioner!

Everything else is pretty much the same! It’ll be great! Two coils.

Karate Tiger 2 aka No Retreat, No Surrender 2 (1987): The first one had Jean-Claude van Damme, and this one has Cynthia Rothrock. I prefer the latter. Dorky American with Thai girlfriend manages to get her kidnapped by evil henchmen of sinister and thoroughly unconvincing Russian. Hilarity ensues. Pimps. Grimy hotel. Stupid hat. Maximum kung fu. Also guns, knives, bombs, RPGs, exploding restaurant table. Alligator pit. Best line: “Come on, let’s book.” Extensive survey of Thai food. No nekkidity, a grave flaw in an 80s action pic. Two coils.

Fever Lake (1997): The Bill Rebane Tradition  of making crappy movies in Wisconsin continues. This is a “Stupid People Go to Haunted House” variation on “Stupid People in the Jungle.” Teens go to lake house where bad things once happened. Teens die in mildly creative ways. Evil shawl. Badly-maintained kerosene lamps. Gratuitous Native American dispensing Ancient Wisdom. Gratuitous Bo Hopkins. Gratuitous “Don’t Go in the Attic!” No proper nekkidity, inexcusable in a direct-to-video production. Two coils.