Noburo Iguchi’s Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011) is not, strictly speaking, about toilets. There is an outhouse in the film, and it has zombies in it, but it’s really incidental to the plot, which almost never gets in the way of the story. Megumi is a nice Japanese schoolgirl who knows some kung fu and is heartbroken over the suicide of her sister. She goes camping with her friends, in the best, time-honored, “Stupid People in the Jungle” manner. Alas, there are zombies around, and a mad scientist. We’re talking the usual exploding heads and popping eyes. Visible farts. Visible farts with demons in them. Zombies walking on all fours, backwards, with demon parasites sticking out of their butts. Flying parasite queen, in blue sun dress and flowered panties. Nekkidity. Eight gallons blood; four gallons assorted glop. One mad scientist, one toothless goober, one skeezy drug addict, one flying trout. An outstanding piece of work, and short, too. Iguchi is an instant Immortal. Four coils, no doubt about it.

The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984): Roger Corman from his Argentine Period. There are two main bad guys. Zeg is the Dictator-type, and Bal Caz is the fat one wearing a designer diaper. Then there is the immortal Maria Socas, topless almost the entire way. Plus gnomic utterances from David Carradine, cunningly disguised as a kung fu master named Kain, as opposed to his famous TV role as a kung fu master named Kaine. Copious nekkidity. One Assault Iguana. Two gibbering sycophants. One gang of slave traders with burned, squashed faces. One extra 1980s mullet-headed bad guy. One old guy who hides in a cave. Two dozen scurrying villagers. One well. This is everything Bad Cinema should be. Four coils.

Naked as Nature Intended (1961): Drop everything and find this nudist film by the immortal Harrison Marks. We’re talking cows, ducks, Stonehenge, girls in Capri pants and the Famous Lorna Doone coach. Personally, seeing Pam, Jackie and the gang encounter the Famous Lorna Doone coach is a real highlight of my career as an important and influential film critic. The one thing this flick is a little light on is nekkidity. But hey — we get to see Tintagel! (The legendary castle of King Arthur, you oaf.) Two coils for historical curiosity value.

Savage Weekend (1979).  Hippies Go Upstate, a variation of Stupid People in the Jungle. There isn’t much here except for William Sanderson as “Otis.” It’s the same role he always plays, except usually his character is named “Cooter.” Death by hanging, hat pin, electrocution, blunt force trauma and chain saw. Bulletin: People in Upstate are violent goobers who listen to Jeezus radio and don’t like gay guys in their bars. Frolicking in the fields, which in the age of Lyme disease is probably a thing of the past. Long soliloquies by Cooter er Otis in a graveyard. Boat-building. One coil.

The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (1964): At last, the movie that answers these questions: Can bad guys really run around on ancient Aztec pyramids in those pointy little shoes without tripping? And can women in tight sweaters and Capri pants really save the world from an Ancient Evil? Bad dialogue, worse dubbing. Female wrestlers. Comic book villains. Unconvincing, wailing mummy. Short neckties and peak lapels. Gratuitous driving back and forth to the ancient pyramid. Capri pants. Girls in tights. The parts that aren’t bizarre are idiotic. Better than Citizen Kane. Shorter, anyway. Four coils.