Summer Schlock 2026 part three (with cannibals)

Summer Schlock 2026 part three (with cannibals)

Cannibal World aka White Cannibal Queen (1980): The immortal Jess Franco delivers again with this haunting tale of cannibalism and atrocious dubbing. Couple with young daughter go sailing near cannibals, who have Mom for dinner, eat Dad’s arm but allow him to escape, and worship the daughter. Dad returns with a search party of nitwits. Hilarity sort of ensues. Cannibals look like they were working at Auto Zone last week. Topless daughter/goddess who grew up very fast. In-stream Kung Fu. Gratuitous snakes, crocodiles and tops of trees. Confusing and short, with funky cannibal music. Outstanding. Three coils.

Cannibal Terror (1981): Shot at the same time and place as “Cannibal World,” with many of the same extras. Also some of the same shots of monkeys, dancing cannibals and the kind of gloppy detritus one comes to expect at cannibal settlements. Stupid criminals kidnap rich guy’s daughter, flee into jungle and become lunch. We’re talking barf city. Efficient butchering. Auto Zone cannibals. Fleeting nekkidity. Enthusiastic yet uncoordinated dancing. Idiotic rescue attempt. Way too much plot getting in the way of the story. Two coils.

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985): Our survey of cannibal movies continues with this specimen, featuring the Stupidest People to Ever Go in the Jungle. Paleontology trip to the Amazon goes awry when the plane crashes. The stupid people manage to die in various stupid ways until it’s just Kevin and the two girls, who have to deal with a) the cannibals and b) the illegal miners who have slaves. Nekkidity. Snakes. Glop. Lesbitation. Spear chucking. Indigenous religious ceremony rudely interrupted by Kevin. Dinosaur footprints but no dinosaurs. A solid example of how to stretch a film to the breaking point ie. 90 minutes. Three coils.

Primitives (1978): An Indonesian entry, featuring three stupid people plus a stupid guide who go to the jungle to study the natives. The first gang isn’t primitive enough, so they pay the guide extra to go deeper into the jungle where they find a tribe of cannibals who look like a grubbier version of Three Dog Night and communicate entirely in grunts. Gratuitous fish eye lens. Gratuitous animal vs. animal footage lifted from somewhere else. Gratuitous and puzzling 70s lounge music. Afterbirth licking. Depenising (implied). Turns out jungle fu has the same main rule as regular kung fu: Only one guy may attack at a time. No nekkidity. Tough sledding, frankly. One coil.

Slave of the Cannibal God (1978): Two of the stupid people in the jungle here are recognizable, or at least they were in 1978: Ursula Andress and Stacy Keach. Everything else is pretty much the same. Ursula’s looking for her missing anthropologist husband deep in the jungles of New Guinea. The usual hijinks occur. Lots of snakes in this one. Funky ceremonies. Nekkidity in the form of cannibals and Ursula’s personal chest. Lizard eating, which may or may not follow lizard butchering. Ursula in a goddess costume, attached to a tower of sticks, in a cave. Depenising (strongly implied). Dwarf cannibal. Somewhat higher production values than the standard cannibal flick. Groovy music. Highly offensive in every way. Four coils.

See Beautiful Blood Island, and then return to Blood Island. When you’re done you can go back to Blood Island, in between trips to Blood Island.

See Beautiful Blood Island, and then return to Blood Island. When you’re done you can go back to Blood Island, in between trips to Blood Island.

Gerardo De Leon and Eddie Romero, two major names in the Filipino film world, made four “Blood Island” films between them. The first was released in 1959 and is a modest but stylish black and white horror movie. The remaining three were made a decade-plus later, and are proper CACA flicks.

Terror is a Man (1959): Strange economy reworking of “The Island of Dr. Moreau.” Strange because it has a lot of weird plot that gets in the way of the story, and economy because there is only one man-animal hybrid, and because they shot it in black and white. Good production values throughout, which is also confusing when you’re expecting dreck. Decent monster and no nekkidity, because it was 1959.

imdb.com

Terror is in fact a sort of man/cat hybrid.

The universe comes back into balance with the next film in the series, “Brides of Blood Island” (1968). Color film, very little plot to get in the way of the story, man-eating plants, day-for-night continuity problems, cut-rate Desi Arnaz, bargain basement Vincent Price, one bald henchman, mild bimbotation, comical Western notion of native chants, a bit of gratuitous nekkidity, a sex-crazed beast, mutant transformation, lengthy and regrettable dance of triumph scene, a herd of little people and nuclear radiation, which explains the art in the castle. I suspect Sam Raimi had this flick in the back of his mind for the first couple of “Evil Dead” movies. 

blu-ray.com

I’m confused! I look a little like Vincent Price, but I sound nothing like him! And why is that tree trying to eat my wife?

The Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1968): Well, here we are back at Blood Island. This time we’re looking for the cause of a strange disease that turns the natives green. Turns out it’s simple — crazy Dr. Lorca shot a cancer patient up with a rare chlorophyll strain he found on the island. (It’s just science.) Gratuitous nekkidity, green blood, dismemberment, a sort of luau/orgy hybrid, and every time the monster is about to do something the camera zooms in and out rapidly, perhaps to distract the audience from getting a good look at the shabby monster costume. Spoiler: The beast hides out in a lifeboat as the gang sails away from Blood Island, the better to set up…

kitleyskrypt.com

The chlorophyll monster in Mad Doctor of Blood Island doesn’t stand up to close inspection, so the filmmakers wisely don’t let the audience get a good look.

Beast of Blood (1971), in which the monster kicks things off immediately by blowing up the boat, perhaps in protest of the producers’ decision to drop the word “island” from the title. Dr. Lorca’s got a whole army of green mutants now, and the islanders aren’t up to much, so it’s up to Bill Foster (John Ashley) and Myra the dingbat reporter (Celeste Yarnall) to get things sorted out. Which they do, eventually, but not before there’s some highly dubious surgery, a henchman who can only grunt, the usual nekkidity, and several gallons of blood. Oh and an artificial head that talks. Almost forgot. This flick is an excellent example of the plot getting in the way of the story, but when a man sets out to watch all four Blood Island movies, he’s got to tough it all the way out.

http://www.horor-web.cz

John Ashley’s Modified Elvis was passe Stateside in 1971, but he could get away with it on Blood Island.