“The Wild Women of Wongo” (1958) is the film that answers the question “What if there were two tribes living on two islands and the men on the island of Wongo were ugly brutes but their women were comely, and the men of the island of Goona were all Adonises but the women looked like Boris Yeltsin with bosoms?”

That’s the set-up. Add a dragon cult, a third tribe of ape men, and a parrot, and you’re ready for some alliterative fun.

We’re talking high priestess with her very own temple. Men of Wongo, looking like today’s hipsters. Men of Goona, looking like they are waiting for Bruce and Geoff to get back with the amyl nitrate poppers. Women of Goona, looking like the staff at a Grand Union in upstate New York.

And the Wild Women of Wongo, the leader of whom looks like she might be Honeysuckle Weeks’ mother.

Parrot as Greek chorus. Stock footage of alligator, as god. Girl wrestling alligator. Worship of rubber alligator on a stick. Ape men, looking like Goona men with mud smeared on their faces. Spears. The worst example of white people dancing ever captured on film. Bewildering. Two and a half coils.