Bad cinema for the housebound

Bad cinema for the housebound

What better time than now to develop a taste for bad cinema? Liven up those long stretches of coronavirus-induced boredom with the worst films ever made!

 

Here is a carefully selected group of truly bad films to get you started:

 

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies: Not only does this intensely weird film have no discernible plot, it’s also a musical. The Mystery Science Theater version is worth the extra three bucks or whatever it is.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Science-Theater-3000-Incredibly/dp/B008C8A6E2/ref=sr_1_2?crid=39HXJKLZNMBNL&dchild=1&keywords=incredibly+strange+creatures&qid=1584371305&s=instant-video&sprefix=incredibly+%2Cinstant-video%2C205&sr=1-2

 

Deathstalker 2: Gets the nod over Deathstalker 3 because it stars Denison University’s own John Terlesky, and because it features the immortal John La Zar, who is the star of…

 

https://www.amazon.com/Deathstalker-II-John-Terlesky/dp/B07DVMQXS3/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3BXY373O1N1RY&dchild=1&keywords=deathstalker+2&qid=1584371027&s=instant-video&sprefix=deathst%2Cinstant-video%2C422&sr=1-1

 

…Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Also featuring the Strawberry Alarm Clock, which makes it a horror flick. 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Valley-Dolls-Dolly-Read/dp/B00FEC4RD0/ref=sr_1_1?crid=VV9V98MK19D1&dchild=1&keywords=beyond+the+valley+of+the+dolls+prime&qid=1584371146&s=instant-video&sprefix=beyond+the+%2Cinstant-video%2C225&sr=1-1

 

Circle of Iron: Kung Fu, ersatz mysticism, loincloths and Eli Wallach in a barrel of oil. A classic of the extended non-sequitur.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Circle-Iron-David-Carradine/dp/B017PSRM3W/ref=sr_1_1?crid=4XVZA180KKNZ&dchild=1&keywords=circle+of+iron&qid=1584371624&s=instant-video&sprefix=circle+of+iron%2Caps%2C192&sr=1-1

 

FDR — American Badass: Relive the glory days of World War II with this unique take on the defeat of the Axis powers. With Werewolf Hitler. 

 

https://www.amazon.com/FDR-American-Badass-Barry-Bostwick/dp/B00EPQRNVY/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2HXDJG46IZ8VT&dchild=1&keywords=fdr+american+badass&qid=1584371796&s=instant-video&sprefix=fdr+%2Cinstant-video%2C200&sr=1-2

The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy: This might take some finding, but it’s well worth it, especially for the spectacle of the bad guys in pointy shoes trying to scramble around on the pyramid.

 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058304/

 

The Acid Eaters: Another one that will require some effort to locate. Worth it for the ziggurat scene alone. 

 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061329/

 

Manos — Hands of Fate: This was made on a bet in 1966 by some guy in Texas. Net production cost — $11.37 ($90.78 in 2020 dollars). Also exciting scenes involving the inability of the lead bad guy’s belt to hold his pants up. (The MST version is the only one I know of.)

 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060666/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

 

Zero Woman — Red Handcuffs: This exciting Japanese “pinky violence” flick features, among other things, the regrettable state of Japanese male underpants in the mid-1970s.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Woman:_Red_Handcuffs

 

And finally, Iron Sky: Return to the heady days of the Obama presidency, when men were (sort of) men and space Nazis led by Sarah Palin established a base on the dark side of the moon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/Iron-Sky-Julia-Dietze/dp/B073WDVJFS/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=iron+sky&qid=1584372910&sr=8-1

 

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